Achy Breaky.

It's been a while. But I'm still here. This past week has gone slow yet ever so quickly. And to think now that it's only tuesday make me more depressed. My stomach has been murdering me these last two days and I don't know why. Maybe I'm catching something. Hopefully not though, cause I'm not even sure if I got my insurance back. Sunday though, I got a good heathly rant with Renee and Mel. And Renee founds some good songs for us to do with the band, so the future looks that much brighter. I always hate the week days and look forward to the weekends, yet my weekends are still busy as the weekday. This suck intensly. Homecoming game is on friday and I really really want to go. But I don't know if my mom is gonna let me take off work or if my stomach is gonna kill me by then. I hope not. And I still have yet to find a dress for the following saturday. Not good. And Sunday they'll all expect me to be wide awake and happy for Sunday school. I do plan on being there, just not awake. Or happy. And Sianna wants to know if I'm going to the Toby Mac concert that night. She said she'll buy my ticket and everything. But I might just be dead by then with the super-busy-weekendness and the unending-stomach-pain. Ouch, ouch, ouch.
But I seriously need to save all my complaining for next week. Next week might possibly be one of the worst weeks of my life. As much as I want to be 16, I'd rather not have next week come. With the possibility of watching Raykwon all week. ( shoot me ) and doing my homework, finding food, and trying not to die or loneliness. But I refuse. I refuse. I refuse. I might end up staying at my aunts house which, honestly would probably make me more depressed. If I get my permit Friday, I'll be a lot happier, but still. I want to bring cupcakes or something to my classes so I can find something to celebrate. I'm not big on celebrating my birthdays, but I don't want to be super emo that day either.
OH. And did I mention I'll be working just about every night next week? Yeah. Even on the sour 16. At least I'll be making money.
Earlier I believe I mentioned that it's only Tuesday. Just now I realized how thankful I am for this Tuesday. It makes next week much further away. And starting on October 7th, the rest of that month will be hell. HELL. HELL.
Oops. I'm suppose to be optimistic. So then, on the bright side: JIGOKU SHOUJO SEASON THREE. Woot,woot. I've been waiting for this season of that anime forever. It comes out October, something. I don't know, the thing just said October. Which means soon. :) yay.
16 YEARS!! Even though that day was suck tremendously, I'll be able to say I'm 16. Hip hip.
Um. Currently those are the only things I can think of. But hey, I tried. I'll just keep thinking of those. Mostly the first one, since the second one can be linked back to my pessimistic thoughts. Oh noes.

Dude.

Omg. I'm so annoyed and tired.
Why wont people just go home ?

I have a lot of homework to do. But I guaranteed that I'll go to bed without finishing any of it.

I think I've lost my mind.

Scratch that. I know I've lost it.

Irratated.

'Rawr' says the dinosaur. I'm somewhat annoyed right now. My teeth hurt and I have a lot of homework to do. BUT. It's all good. Yesterday I was counting the money I have. Excluding my permit money and 10 bucks of my sister that I keep in my wallet, I have like, 50 something dollars. :) This may not seem like a lot to you but to me this is A LOT. It's 50 bucks more then what I had before, lol. So I hid this and decided to only allow myself to have small amounts of money in my wallet at a time so I won't be tempted to buy candy or food with it. ( unlike some other people who normally spend all their cash on clothes or purses or shoes or w/e I spend it on food and candy. lol ) So yeah. I at least have enough money for the retreat or ATF. Plus I need to start the rachel-vanice fund raising thing asap so that I can pay for everything as soon as I can. Rawr. I think I may start working at the diner more days to make more money. The problem is my lack of transportation. rawr.rawr.rawr.
My organs were hurting today. But I managed to get up and go to sunday school this morning. I didn't get bashed in the face like I normally do, but I think he slipped in a remark. Oh well. It was about love. Not something that fascinates me anymore.
Mr. Rider let us have the take home test for the weekend. It'll be like, minus 20 percent of the grade we get but PSH. I don't care. -20% is so much better than a zero. The stupid office people lost my binder. I blame them. I still have a lot of math and I don't know if we had any french homework. I'll have to check. I'm drowning in homework. I could never do IB. It's much too suicidal. I shall pray for those in IB tonight. XD
My teeth is killing me but I'm eating skittles. I just devoured one whole bag of it in like, 2 seconds. I think I'm stress eating. That's not cool.
GAHH! I finish 'Of mice and Men' and that book was disturbing and depressing. The problem is that I finished it much too early and we're not doing research or writing the paper for it for another month. So I'll have to make notes or something so I won't forget everything. I finished it about 2 days ago so it's pretty fresh in my brain. I might make the notes tonight or tomorrow. If I read another book write after I'll forget some parts of mice and men and I'm not going to want to re-read it a month from now because it'll still be slightly too fresh in my brain and I'll get bored with it. My teeth hurts really bad.
I need another book to read. I want the next City of Bones book but idk when it comes it. Or if it came out already.
My teeth is really killing me. I have to go brush my teeth.

knocked over like a bowling pin.

Today is a wednesday. And Wednesdays are usually good for me. But today was not an exceptionally amazing day. Not that it was dreadful or anything, but it just wasn't...as good as it could of been. If you know what I mean. And I keep thinking I have to work tomorrow, which I don't, but I'll probably end up going anyway because my boss forces me to do such things and, well, can't really do anything about it when your mother is your boss. Yeah. It sucks. My kidneys are killing me. I don't actually know if it's my kidneys, but it's in that area so I'll asume so. To top this off, we we're playing soccer at youth group today ( which was fun ) but Maria and I kind of slammed into each other in a much painful way and my left hip, knee and ankle are suffering for it. Honestly it was funny though, cause Maria and I were laughing like crazy as we laid on the ground. It just hurts. A lot. I wonder if she's in as much pain as I am...
I'm not looking forward to homecoming as much as I was before. I don't know. I'm just..not. OH YEAH. And my birthday is going to suck completely this year. My sisters surgery was moved from the 2nd to the 7th of october so before she would have been out of the hospital by my b-day.
How am I suppose to be optomistic when life sucks?
Yeah. I don't know either. On the bright side..um. I'll get back to you when I find the bright side. Mkay?
/end short entry

thump. thump.

I can't do it. I really can't finish my homework. Or I will die. This feeling, this unending doom will consume me. I understand now, why I failed math so many times before. Why I've ever failed anything. Stress and I don't cope well together. When I'm in a stressful situation, I find some way to flee. And with school, this means giving up on my homework. Just as I'm doing now, when I should be working on the stack of papers behind me. But I can't do it. I'll have a panic attack. Or a heart attack. Something in which I'm being attacked.
Any who. Aside from that, today went pretty well. It was more comment ci comment ca then anything. It had its highs and lows.

CRAP. Tyra Banks is on. That means it's well past bedtime. CRAP.CRAP.CRAP.

BACK ON SUBJECT. My Highs and Lows of September 16, 2008...

Low- I woke up late this morning. I actually woke up several times this morning which may seem good at first but this always makes me sleep in more then I should, because I think ' I have another hour ' and continue to be unconscious longer then I should.
High- But I got to school very very early this morning. Actually before my bus got there. BEFORE the doors even opened. I'm never at school on time. But today was different. Gasp.
Low- I didn't know what was going on in french class with the story. But do I ever really know what goes on in that class? lol AND I didn't finish my math homework which sucked in math class, PLUS Joanna wasn't in English/school today. Which sucked even more.
High- We didn't have to turn in our psychology homework from last night which, as you probably know, I didn't do lol. I need a day to just do all of my make up work. And I talked to people I never see much anymore. You don't even know how happy this makes me.
Just about the same amount of highs and lows today. Well, plus the low of the anxiety of me not finishing my homework.
" I'm a good christian."
.This was probably the dumbest thing I've heard today. One kid in my class was telling another kid that he didn't listen to secular music because he was a quote good christian unquote. This is the more incredibly stupid thing I've ever heard. Yes, some music isn't good to listen to but by saying your a better christian then someone else just cause you listen to 'christian' music? No. It depends on the song, not the music.
Geez.
/Rant.
ANYWAY.
Dude. This Tyra episode is depressing yo.

And my heart is beating super fast. Not cause of Tyra though.

I think I'm having a heart attack.

No ranting today :)

Today went very well. I started it off on the right foot which I believe contributed to my good day. Although I woke up tired, I didn't do to bad in french class today. Then, I actually understood what was going on in math class, AND I passed a test with a 93% (something that doesn't happen often in math, because when it comes to math, I'm mildly retarded) English class was easy as usually and in psychology we didn't have to turn in the paper I didn't do lol. Rachel gave to Rider to give to me the church donations paper that she made, so our financial plans for that should go well. AND THEN! Then, she came over later today and we went to Shiesty Mountain and finished our sign. It looks super amazing. We were so excited, we tried to climb up Shiesty but we couldn't because all the plants had grown too tall and such. But that's okay. It didn't ruin our good mood.
We need a weed whacker though. It seems ridiculous all for this 'Mountain' but Rachel and I really want to climb it lol. And we want other people to climb it too. And We want to make a boat for ' Lake tall grass ' and a sign for ' Candy Mountain ' :D it shall be fun. Anyway, I'm gonna type up letters for me and Rachel with the donation thing and then I have to make signs for the sleep over at the church and for sodas and stuff. I really, really, really, want to make some things for Paramount Cafe. That'd make me happy :) But Dave said there's some fancy people making things for it. Idk. I might make one anyway just for the heck of it.
I got veoh TV again. We used to have it before the computer crashed and I gots it again so I could watch Wicked lol. I've never seen it and I don't like not ever seeing a movie without choice. If I've never seen a movie, I want it to be because I never really wanted to see it. But after Renee showed me a video on youtube of dancing dolls, it convinced me to want to see it. Haha.
Anyway, that's all I have for now. No ranting today.

Shot myself in the foot.

Some people seriously make me want to shoot myself in the foot. Literally. I mood has been downhill for a while and all I want to do is scream. I'm kinda sick of seeing some people. I wish it was last school year again. Or better yet, ninth grade. That was a wonderful grade for me. Life was happy.
On September 11, about a million people asked me what date it was. I find that extremely sad and pathetic. Sure, we were young and everything when that happened, but common, you don't ask what date it is on 9/11. That's just plain stupid. My irritation is driving me up a wall right now. I just want to quit everything ( including school ) but I know I can't. Blah. AND I have to find away to afford youth group. Because money is a necessity. But it's okay, I have a plan. Since I'm working at my mom's diner I'll just save 70% of my tips for the use of yg. Plus me and Rachel have our own fund raising plan for people like us, who can't pull five million dollars out of our butts. I'M SORRY WORLD, I DON'T HAVE TONS OF MONEY TO SPARE EVEN IF I KNOW IN ADVANCE. BUT THAT'S OKAY, SINCE I NOW KNOW I JUST WONT EAT SCHOOL LUNCH OR BUY ANYTHING FOR THE REST OF THIS SCHOOL YEAR. BUT I'LL SAVE EVERY DIME I OWN SINCE EVERYONE LIKES TO REMIND ME HOW POOR I AM AND HOW POOR PEOPLE FAIL AT LIFE. I'M SORRY THAT MY MOTHER CAN'T JUST GIVE ME MONEY WHEN I ASK. SORRY FOR BEING SAD, I'LL TRY TO BE HAPPY. SORRY THAT I'M YOUNG, AND YOUNG PEOPLE CAN'T DO ANYTHING. INCLUDING DRIVE. OH, AND I'M SORRY FOR WORKING LATE AND CLOSING UP THE DINER AND WANTING TO SLEEP IN THE MORNING. I'M SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON. NOT LIKE I COME TO EVERY OTHER EVENT. AND I'M SORRY FOR MY POOR MUSICAL ABILITIES, OR LACK THERE OF. SORRY TEACHERS, FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ALL THE FREAKING HOURS OF HOMEWORK YOU GIVE ME EVERY NIGHT. I'LL JUST STOP SLEEPING. AND I'M SORRY FOR FEELING SORRY, BECAUSE I'M NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL GUILTY, BECAUSE I'M MUCH TOO SENSITIVE.
Now that that's out there, I feel better. Now that I've ranted a little, since I'm working on my optimistic-ness, I'll think of some positives.
- I have over a 100% in english. I've never believed I was good at English, but all my English teachers claimed this is true and I'm almost starting to believe this. Maybe being a book nerd has paid off.
-I make money. Not much at all, but it will add up eventually if I spend wisely. I'm buying a safe and locking some piggy banks in it. lol.
-every second I'm closer to summer vacation. That's right, I'm looking forward to summer and it's not even winter yet. School stress will be gone in the summer, even if youth group stress will still be there.
-Paramount Cafe is coming. I look forward to this :) I absolutely love paramount cafes.

yeah. That's all the optimism for now.
I'm watching Cast Away for the first time. Dude, I'm so sad over a freaking volleyball person. I should be sleeping though but I wanted to post and finish the movie. I was going into movie with draw. It happens sometimes.

Three lifelines gone to waste.

Today I woke up about 4 hours later then I should of. I know, it's pretty crazy. It was pretty raining cats and dogs this morning and my house was negative one thousand degrees. So I believe this had a huge impact on my unconsciousness. So I just didn't go to school. I regret this because now I only have four more days to die/be ill. So I hope I don't get really sick for the rest of the semester. I even went to bed earlier then usual last night too, since I normally don't get the chance to fall asleep til 1 ish or later, but last night it was like, 11:30pm or 12am. That's pretty early to me. And yet, I over slept. *sigh*.
My life has been extra hectic these last few days. I hardly have time to chill and do nothing. In fact, I should be doing something else right now, lol. It started Friday. When I went to the restaurant right after school and didn't get home til about 11. Then I woke up early Saturday morning to run around town with my sister getting stuff for the diner then getting there late, but working til 10, and home around 10:30 ish. Then on Sunday, I went to church, Rachel and Leah came over and Rachel and I worked on a personal project (which was more work then I though o.o) then we went to the Haitian church to deal with screaming children and I got home around 11. THEN yesterday I left school early to go with my sister to her doctors appointment in Baltimore and when I got back to town, we went straight to the diner and got home around 9:30. (all of these day I didn't even include all the homework I did at the end of the night). But yesterday since I got home earlier then usual I gone done my homework early and went to bed early. blah. I just home it doesn't rain tomorrow.
VERENA IS COMING :) to church with us tomorrow. My sister said she was gonna pick us up from school so Rachel could help her with her room then after words we're gonna work on the Shiesty Mt. Sign before church. Hopefully we can cut some grass or something cause I want everyone to climb up it tomorrow since a lot of new people haven't been on top. BLAH. I still have a lot of homework to do. I don't even know where my IB french book is. This is bad.
I miss a lot of people. I lost half of the phone numbers on my old phone when it died and most of those people I communicated with through texting cause they don't go to my school anymore or I don't have classes with them. D: This saddens me so. I want to have a get together or something with everyone, but idk what. Everything in hagsville is so boring and everything out of hagsville is super expensive. Rawr. I dunno. Speaking of get togethers, I don't know if I want to have a birthday party this year or what. Like I said, everything in hagsville is pretty much gay and I find my house boring. I want to have it in Hershey or something :) but that's ubber expensive. Fafa Rachel Leah and I being foolish at party city. XD

Stupid people on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire waste all their lifelines on easy questions.

Kicked in the spine.

My back is killing me. No joke. No just my back too. My legs, feet and hip are all throbbing in pain. I believe it was working today. I don't know how my mom does it buts its pretty crazy. So yeah. Today was my first day waitressing at my moms restaraunt. I woke up extremly sleepy this morning on account of my lack of sleep last night. I am very foolish and as many times as I told myself to go to bed early this week I kept going to bed pretty late the last. Forever. I've gone to bed about 1am on average each night for a while now. I really need to stop doing that especially on school nights. It's not fun since my bus comes extra extra early this year cause I have a new bus driver ( again. This is number five million of the bus drivers in my high school life ) Seriously. I had to have had at least 4 different ones. maybe in the last... two school years? blah. I NEED A CAR . I really hate riding the bus. ANYWAY thats not the point. The point is, I'm pretty much sleepy all day until I get home and I try to sneak in a nap ( which isn't good btw, cause it makes you unable to sleep that night ) yeah. So I had to go to the diner right after school today, and worked about 6 hours I think. It was pretty slow business at first cause it was I guess too much between lunch and dinner or whatever. Then suddenly close to closing time , well at least an a couple of hours, All these people came out of nothingness and attacked me OH! did I mention I'm the only waitress? :) Its all good though. Melanie is coming tomorrow I think so it should be fine and today wasn't way too much to handle but it wasn't awfully dreadful for me. Just a lot of me hurts. Ouch.
Well I have to go for now. Sister needs the computer I believe.


Oh. I fail in the world of french. I might have mentioned that already. Idk.

Can I break the spell of the typical?

For English homework today we're suppose to look up song lyrics.
Of a song that relates to us or has something to do with what we've talked about in class the last couple of days. I wasn't sure what song I was gonna do, because the song I wanted to do had no lyrics. 'Your hand in mine' by Explosions in the sky. My brother introduced the song to me because he wanted me to learn it on piano, while he learned it on guitar. It's a really beautiful song but the band is purely instrumental so I couldn't use it for my english assignment. So I was thinking, " what song can I use that isn't too weird (like a lot of songs I like) isn't super emo or anything xD and is in English?." But I couldn't think of anything at all. I listen to my Mp3 player and obviously I couldn't sure Mika or Michael Jackson or anything, that'd just be silly lol. So after going through half the day and a nap and everything. After doing most of my other homework it finally came to me. Mute Math was playing in my head and I was like "GAH. This is perfect!" I knew Typical would be a good song to use. :D And it's kinda related to what we were talking about in class. I really like the song. Still wish I could of used Explosions in the sky though.
So anyway. I'm so happy tomorrows Friday because when I think Friday, I think relaxation. Unfortunately that is not the case this Friday. I have to work. But yet I am unemployed! How is this possible that I work, you ask? Well my mom insist that I come to her restaurant and waitress. I don't even know if I'm getting paid. I hope so. I do get to keep tips though :) But I'm missing Friday Night Live, which sucks ( not the show, the worship thing ) and it's pretty fun cause I get to eat and paint xD. And playing games after words is fun too. But I'm almost excited to waitress. Note: Almost.
Current stresses: -Quizzing: we have no coach and I honestly haven't study at all. I still have the 1st paragraph done but thats about it. I haven't even read over THAT in a while. Shame on me.
-School, need I say more?. -Sick people: not only am I catching a cold but a lot of people I know are sick/is sick and I worry too much. -List of things to do: I have yet to do anything on my many list. -My room: has been a mess for a couple of months and what use to be a organized mess has just become a mess, and I can't find anything and can't even sleep well because I honestly think this is the messes my room has ever been my entire life. I MUST clean it asap.

Oh. And I caught a cold. yay.
.http://superanimefreak.livejournal.com/ = my cold.

Bumper Sticker

"Sometimes I wish I was a missing person" Says the bumper sticker.
That's so true. At least for me. Sometimes.
Not that I want to be kidnapped or anything. XD That's just creepy. But it'd be nice to go away for a while. If you're picking up what I'm putting down. Uggh. I still have about ten pounds of homework to do. Psychology, Math and French. I haven't even started and its 10pm. You're probably thinking I'm crazy, 'cause that's what I'm thinking lol. The math homework I can probably b.s. my way through it. Well, at least SOME of it. And french wont be too dreadful. I have absolutely no idea how to do my psychology homework though. XD And that's suppose to be my easy class. Unfortunatly I didn't bring my book home cause I completely forgot about it.
Ecoucher Epique.
( thats french for epic fail )
Youth group was pretty good tonight. We had a decent amount of people. Actually I think the ablaze 24/7 made people come back, cause alot of people from that came today that normally don't come on wednesdays. I'm hoping we can build youth group back up to what it use to be. Not just in the number of people that came but... idk, the mind set also. AND the room looked pretty good with the paint and the funiture it. It was pretty sweet. :)
Mom wants me to work at the restarant this weekend. Which means I'll have to miss Friday Night Live. It sucks cause its pretty fun and such especially playing spoons lol. Idk. At the same time I'm almost excited to work. I can actually say I have real work experience. But more then anything, I'm lazy and just want to sleep after school for the rest of the night. Blah.
My computer is pretty lame. It won't let me do accent marks for french. Either that or Madam Shraders things don't work, which I doubt. AH. How do they except me to type up french now?

I really want to go to Busch Gardens. That was fun.

One comes to an end, one starts a beginning.

I can't say that I'll use this blog often. I'm much too dedicated to livejournal. I've used it for years, and I don't plan on changing that. However it's not quite the same as it used to be. Before it was if I was telling a semi-story of my day/week/whatever to my friends or whomever was listening. I'm not a very open kind of person, but speaking behind the livejournal was easier then saying things aloud. I could read through friends journals and they could read through mine. It wasn't super personal or anything, not like a diary, but it was fun and interesting. Over the years, however, less and less people use it. In fact, I think I'm the only one that still uses it as often as I do lol. Even now, I don't post to it as much as I did 3 or 4 years ago, but I do keep it up. It's a good ranting site, and a place to put my dreams. BUT. I decided to make this one because I wanted to try something new. Not as cool as Lj but it'll work lol. Anyway, the youth room is beginning to look pretty good. I wasn't too hot about the colors at first but over all I think the best colors were choosen. It's good for both girls and boys so we won't be scaring off the gentlemen lol. And once everything is put together it will look good. I'm making myself think positive. BUT I'm not too sure about the one brick per person thing. I hope we don't have to pay too. This year yg has murdered my money.I don't think it'll look dreadful but Idk.. I envisioned it to be more like a fun playful attack of the youth thing. and as long as no one made it ridiculously large it'd be alright. But I don't have much say it anything so I'll deal. I'm so glad my old painting got painted over though. I hated that so much :P. I could of made it better. I can't wait til the whole youth room comes together. It'll be good...hopefully. I think I'll go tomorrow to the young adult study to help moves things back in. I just hope I don't die from cramps.
So. I was thinking today and I realized how pessimistic I am. I've always known this but I never really thought about it. So for every negative thing I see I'm going to try to find twice as many positive. I hope this is possible XD.
I seriously need to stop taking forever to do my homework. I had to do five days of homework today. It sucked. This year is the hardest yet. Lol. Freshman year I NEVER did homework. Seriously. Now I HAVE to do it. Insane right? What kind of high school makes you do homework < / sarcasm >
OH. I think I'll finish write my story. I was enjoying that.