I don't give a bother!

Except I do.
It's annoying how much I do.
Lately, in the midst of my sadness, things have been bothering me even more so than they normally would. What do you mean by what you said? Why is this person not answering me? Why was I not invited to such and such? Anything and everything has got me thinking in the worst ways, leaving me feelings wretched and worthless. I usually filter myself some, but I'm going to let most of it out for this blog post...

     I've had my fair share of encounters with people whom I deemed to be "overly sensitive". I've got to tell you, most of these I left feeling annoyed and frustrated with said persons. So that is exactly what I do not want to be. But everything lately has been hitting me so much on a personal level that it takes so much of me not to react negatively towards whomever is making me feel that way, in fear of coming across as an overly sensitive person myself. But what do you do when your own thoughts and logic are at fault? How do you reason with yourself, when you are being unreasonable?
     The fact that I'm even calling myself unreasonable isn't something that I entirely believe. But if I repeat it to myself, I hope that I will soon find the error in my own ways...it's really hard. But that's why I'm here, So take the thoughts out of my head, in hopes that it will help me organize my own brain.

If my feelings aren't hurt then I'm just pissed off. Which I guess is just a different way someone hurts your feelings...I don't know. Is making someone anything but happy hurting their feelings? Probably.
The first thing is what people say to me and how they say it. There was an instance not too long ago where someone said something to me, and while I don't *think* they were trying to be mean (I honestly don't know though) my initial reaction was "wow, okay, fuck you."
The worst part about when I feel that way is it becomes a "fuck all of you!" attitude and I convince myself that I truly hate everyone and that I want to go die a dark hole somewhere. Not even in a sad-pitiful-I'm-so lonely-lemme-go-die-somewhere. It's more like a middle-finger-raised-crash-my-car-into-a-ditch-die-somewhere. I know, I'm totally healthy right?
But then when I'm in such a mood I think of my family. Now don't get me wrong, my family pisses me off too--especially my mother. But it's different with them. I don't have so much of an F you attitude, and I just get angry and sulk some and hit something and then I'm okay. But when I'm mad at others, and I think of my family, I think of how I don't hate *THEM* and just want to move someone tropical far away from the rest of society and just be with them alone. I guess it all goes back to the feelings of thinking that my family are the only ones who love me, which is a struggle I still face on the regular. More regular than I'd like.

Another thing that bothers me is being ignored. I loathe when people ignore me. Not that I want to be the center of attention, because I hate that too. But no, if I say something at least acknowledge my presents and we're good. But pretending I don't exists pisses me off to no end. Okay, it usually just upsets me but since I'm slightly angry right now pissed off is the first emotion that comes to mind.
Here's when I think it's slightly stupid though--if I post something on a group chat and literally everyone talks around it. I don't mean I post a picture or something (though I don't really like that either but I can shrug it off) but if I have a question or make a statement or say SOMETHING which needs a response and no one does. That makes me think that no one cares about what I have to say and that I might as well say nothing at all.
This works in person as well. I say something and my voice gets lost in a room or goes one ear and out the other. Are you serious??? How could you have not heard what I said. Now THIS pisses me off.

Being at the bottom of someones priorities is one of the worst things ever. Now, yes somethings are much more important than others. For example, I was having a party for a friend, and someone could not make it because their grandmother was ill. Of course your grandmother is going to take priority over a silly party! She's family, she's someone who can't be replaced and it was a serious matter. I have absolutely no issue with that as I would have done the same. But then there are people who ditch you for other friends, even when you've had plans first with them. To me that shows me exactly how much I mean to you: nothing. Just see if I will ever make plans with you again.
This is something that's slightly pissing me off right now. I won't go into it, but if you potentially aren't going to see someone for a long time shouldn't that person have a least some priority over people you see literally all the time? If not, then you don't care for that person and don't deserve a chance to even see them.

Someone I know (whom I can't call a friend at the moment because I'm not sure) chose to do a mundane task that they literally do every day over a opportunity that won't ever happen again. Seriously? That means that friendship literally means nothing to you. I know again I'm being vague about this but this was about a week ago and I'm still astonished about this whole ordeal. I'm just...how? How could you not care about your friends that much? There is literally no excuse.

There is still so much I want to rant about but I don't even know where to begin. I guess life just shows you who your true friends are...this last situation showed me that. But then it brings me to situations where I don't even know if I'm being overly sensitive (I DO NOT think I'm being overly sensitive about that last one) or not. Some things--like the way people say things to me--I think afterwards. Okay, maybe they didn't mean it that way or whatever. But then I convince myself that I have no friends and no one there for me and I will die alone in an angry death. But that's not logical either. *Sigh* I don't know.

I need someone to listen to each situation I fuss over and tell me if I'm being overly sensitive. But sometimes such a person would piss me off too. Some things outsiders do not understand, like why exactly something pisses me off and if they were to tell me I was being over sensitive it would only piss me off even more. I don't know what I need. Drugs, probably.